Body Language and You – The First Date

Most important (to many people) and the final part of this blog series is The First Date.

Internet Universe open your eyes and ears as a string a tale about the very first date.

Our character, a woman, named Julie (I don’t know a Julie and if you’re name is Julie, in advance, I’m sorry!)

Julie is going on a date with Mark (an overly-masculine alpha male). Could it not be worse than going on a first date but going on a blind date set up by Amber, her best friend from the office? Her and Amber don’t talk a lot but when they do, over lunch, they talk about primarily the men in their lives. Julie has just gotten out of a long-term relationship (she was with John for 7 years) and after two months of Amber not hearing about a single date that Julie was “supposed” to go on and to “play the field” Amber thought about her friend Mark and the deal was done. They were set up for a date on Friday, much to Julie’s protest. 

(I know many people have been in this situation, maybe not from their office friend but just a casual friend or heck, maybe even a best friend. I’ll be pointing out flaws in both Julie and Mark’s behaviors and explaining them later to help ease into all that can and will go wrong [without any major catastrophes granted].)

Julie walks into the swank new Japanese Sushi place (I like sushi, so I had to put this in here). The guy in his new suit at the door greets her with a grin. “Do you have a reservation?” he asks, kindly. 

“Two under Mark.” She rubs the back of her neck. 

“Right this way ma’am,” he says after looking through his little book. “Just in time for the reservation. I’m afraid the other party hasn’t arrived yet.”

This wasn’t a big deal to Julie, she was used to John always showing up late. The man pulls out her seat to sit down so she does. The waiter comes up to offer her something to drink. Normally Julie isn’t a huge drinker when it comes to alcohol but she needed something to ease her nerves. “Vodka Cranberry please, and a lime too, if it isn’t any trouble,” she confesses.

The waiter nods and heads off to the bar. Ten minutes later, she’s sipping on her drink and waiting on her blind date. Twenty minutes pass. Thirty. Then he finally arrives. As the gentleman that escorted her to the table brings the date, she notices him walking behind. He had larger muscles and he was walking like he was big dog in the place. Or as she liked to put it, like a corncob stuck up his butt. So she began to giggle. 

He arrives to the table and she stands and outstretches her hand. He takes it and almost breaks hers in the process of the handshake (1). 

“Hey, I’m Mark.” He releases Julie’s hand and takes a seat, his legs sprawled out.

“Julie,” she quietly states. 

After a few minutes, he gets his drink and they begin to talk about the casual stuff. The weather being the most sought after topic (2). She slips a look to the door and then back to him as he just looks at his chopsticks like people looking at Latin (3). 

Twenty minutes pass, and their meal is finished. He pays the bill, like every man should do on a date and they get ready to leave. She stands up, pushing back the chair as she does so (4). 

They walk out of the door, hardly standing anywhere near each other, they decide it’s time to part ways (5). She thanks him for dinner and he only nods (2). She then gets in her car and drives home. No numbers exchanged. 

 

My little story has concluded so now for the problems in the date. 

1- The handshake was entirely too domineering. Yes, some women like this and like to be the trophy but no woman needs to deal with an overly domineering man. He is expressing his manliness and how he’s alpha male.

2- Talking about the weather and only nodding at the end of the date clearly conclude a lack of communication between them. Men, when they like a woman or are interested, will talk a lot during a first date from anything to everything and most dates, for this reason, will last more than just twenty minutes. 

3- The lack of eye contact and looking around the room or at your food shows an expressed lack of interest. On first dates, or any dates, the two will look at each other and talk all of the time or at least most of it. And express smiles and laughing to show their emotion of being comfortable and having a good time with the other.

4- This has nothing to do with the psychological evaluation of the matter but more of chivalry. Men need to put their best foot forward. So do women. One of those ways would be to pull out her chair. 

5- The distance between them shows how uncomfortable it was between them and how the date didn’t work out well. One good sign would be leaning in to the other person. Also when they leave the man, if interested, would gently put his hand on the small of her back to walk her out of the door. Which Mark did not.

And something I didn’t mention was being late. Being late was a key indicator for the lack of the respect he has towards Julie. He doesn’t want to be there obviously. 

There’s more to all of this which I may touch up on later but this is getting too long and my computer battery is dying so this is all for now.

Allya

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s